Raising Pre-teens

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Inner Light Clarity

Re-write your story

Providing Children with the Support that they Need

It was hard back in the 90s to be a teenager. Back then I think it was pretty common to either live out your parent’s dreams for you or rebel against being told what you should do and who you should be by doing the exact opposite. Sure, you hear stories of amazing humans who used the judgment and expectations of others to fuel them so that they could achieve their dreams and live a life of passion. I’m still trying to puzzle out what those people have that I didn’t, but my best guess is that it has something to do with self-love and acceptance.

But this blog isn’t about those people. This blog is about the people who allowed the projections and expectations imposed on them by their friends and families to actually dictate their life. And it is about their kids, because honestly, unless we deal with our baggage and find a different way to parent and show up in the world, we are going to be destined to continue the cycle with our own children and their children.

Teens today have so much pressure to perform and they are burdened by endless expectations of who they should be and what they should do- as we did back in the 1900s. But now, it is all displayed or accessed online, they often suffer from social isolation, their parents and Grandparents largely haven’t unpacked and transformed their generational trauma, and they are inundated with black and white thinking and unaware adults projecting their limiting beliefs in a way that does not welcome conversation or alternative perspectives. They don’t feel like they can be themselves. Or worse- they feel like who they are is not good, adequate, or even acceptable. So they begin to hide themselves, which is never what was intended for our time here during our short lives.

I believe we are all meant to thrive, shine, and bring our own unique gifts to the world. But how can we possibly do that when we are hiding who we are? And how can we possibly learn how to do that when we have been hiding our truest selves for as long as we have known and we now have shame associated with who that person is? It is a recipe for disaster, and one of those recipes that I inherited from my Grandmother or Great-Grandmother that uses a cup of shortening and 2 cups of sugar- I’m ready to throw it away and find something else to eat!

Undoing the Damage

My oldest child was 6 by the time I ultimately hit my rock bottom and decided it was past time that I changed. By then, his subconscious mind was largely developed and I had already passed on so many negative ways of believing in myself and so much lack mentality and limited thinking. He felt that he needed to perform in order to earn my love. He felt like whatever he did wouldn’t be enough- because I was never able to be enough and still didn’t feel like I could be, so how could I possibly show him that he was enough? And he also believed on a subconscious level that the only way to be heard and resected was to demand it through harsh and brash means- because that is what I had demonstrated.

I had learned as a little girl that being gentle and polite didn’t get results. Anger, lashing out, and forcing things is what got results, so as a young adult, these were the means I implemented. All of these approaches resulted in defeat and embarrassment, and I began to deconstruct my entire approach to life, partially because I began to see my negative behaviors in him, and partially because- as I had mentioned before- I found myself at rock bottom and knew that what could get me out of that situation was anything but the things that had landed me there. I became committed to my growth and healing, and in that process began to see how much damage I had already done to my kids.

Thankfully, my journey led me to lean heavily on PSYCH-K, which is an incredibly powerful and effective way to transform limiting beliefs. I began by working with a facilitator for myself. Once I began to love, accept, and trust myself, I went on to learn the modality. That is when the potential to work with the kids was unlocked for me, and why I am now on a mission to introduce more families to this modality so that they can transform their traumas, unpack their limitations, and begin to show up for each other with true acceptance and compassion.

The Power of the Subconscious Mind

One of the amazing things about children is their honesty. Where an adult has learned to hide their fears and limitations, children are still learning how to work around their dysfunctions. They’ll say things like “I can’t do it!” or “I’m not good enough/smart enough/etc.”, and in general, adults will brush these statements aside, invalidate the feelings (that isn’t true, why would you think that!), or just tell them outright that they are wrong. While you (the adult) might be keenly aware that their statement is not true from your perspective, you need to be able to accept that to them, and from their perspective it is the absolute truth.

But with PSYCH-K, we can take that information and identify an alternative belief, talk them through why it is the truth, and with their conscious agreement, we can walk them through making the actual shift in their subconscious mind.

I love this process for many reasons, primarily the following:

It is validating! It can be so powerful to tell a child, “Yes, I hear you and can understand what a big feeling that must be to try to manage.” or even, “ I have felt that way before!”
It is empowering! At no time in during a session, will a child be told their feelings are wrong, inappropriate, or will they be criticized. The modality is based around the fact that we are the ultimate experts on our lives and know best what it is we need. Many children have never been allowed to feel that they are in control, but this process is about not only handing them control of their lives, but teaching them to learn to love and accept themselves and others, view failures as lessons and opportunities for growth, and trust in their Divine purpose in this life- which can only be accessed when they are authentic and true to themselves.
It provides new perspective. When you are working with a trained facilitator, they will have some potentially deep and profound ideas on new ways to frame the belief that will be more empowering for the child as they continue to grow and develop.

I have seen profound changes in my children by sitting them down and addressing the problems, not from a place of blaming or criticizing, but from a place of problem-solving and resolution. When kids don’t feel like they are accepted or have friends, I can help. When they feel overwhelmed by school and are carrying loads of stress, a shift in perspective is just what they need to start showing up with confidence to do their best. Is there arguing, bickering, and non-acceptance going on in your home between your own children? I have definitely appreciated quieting this type of drama in my home!

But the most important thing to realize when you are considering having a specialist help your child is to look at the example you are setting. Do you realize you have limiting beliefs, too? Are you setting an example of learning, growing, and improving yourself? We cannot expect our children to be more dedicated to self-development than we ourselves are. If you want your child to begin to reflect, integrate and develop a stronger self-concept, that is something you first need to model.

I currently do both virtual and in-person one-on-one sessions, but I am creating a new offer that will make the initial growth for both you and your child more accessible and simple. Please sign up to join my newsletter below so that I can keep you posted on different ways I can support you and your family!