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Inner Light Clarity

Re-write your story

Have you ever felt like you aren't enough?

"No matter what I did, no matter how I strained, held back, or mimicked the successful approach of others, my best never felt like enough. And it was exhausting- not because I didn’t care, but because I cared so deeply."

What a realization!

Me, my entire life: No matter how hard I tried, I could not be enough.

In school, I studied, I crammed, I paid attention and I took the best notes I could. I aimed for 100%, and when I got it, it felt fine. I saw other people with their straight As and 4.0 GPA and they made it look easy.

As a Mother, I went to the farmer’s market to get all the fresh organic local produce so I could steam and puree my own baby food. I was up with the kids early, I read books until I fell asleep sitting up, and I somehow got myself to all the library story times that I could. I saw the other Moms laughing and joyful looking happy and expressed. They made it look easy. They made it look fun.

As a wife I bought his favorite bread, I stopped roasting beets, I ignored my needs to try to focus better on his. I saw the other couples with their heads down, connected. I heard the stories of their vacations and family meetings and I wanted to have shared goals and structure. They made it look easy. They made it look fun. I didn’t know how to begin the conversation.

At work, I listened to what needed to be done, I helped think through solutions and offered to execute plans. I wrote, I rewrote, and I incorporated the comments from colleagues- often to the detriment of the point I was trying to make or the cadence I was hoping to achieve. I dropped everything that was going on to be at my computer on time and made every meeting I was requested at. I listened to my colleagues represent their strong opinions and I would neither agree nor disagree. They were more invested and it showed- they were sure to show it, and I didn’t know how to access and apply my passion in that environment. They made it look so straightforward. So easy to compartmentalize and be the master of each compartment.

No matter what I did, no matter how I strained, held back, or mimicked the successful approach of others, my best never felt like enough. And it was exhausting- not because I didn’t care, but because I cared so deeply. I wanted to be the best. I needed to be the best in order to feel worthy. I believed that only the best was “good enough.”

For me, this belief was my most deeply rooted limitation. And I will never forget the moment it came to light in a PSYCH-K session with a facilitator that I was seeing down under. When I shared my origin story with him he picked up on it immediately. Third and final daughter in the family, and your Dad wanted a boy? It seems like you let them down from the moment you were born. From your first breath, you could not ever be enough.

Of course this realization struck me hard. It was absolutely true and I could feel it deep inside. It hurt, but it was the beginning of my most profound healing. When we have these deep truths left uncovered, they don’t heal. When we actively hide or deny them, we continue to give them power. I was done with giving my past and my conditioning all the power over my life, so I allowed it to hurt. I accepted that this heavy burden I carried was not given to me intentionally. In fact, I only knew the story because my Mom shared it with me as a testimony to how lucky they were to have ME (we wanted a boy, but now we have you, and wouldn’t have it any other way). But that isn’t what stuck with me. The thing that stuck was that I had let them down. I wasn’t enough, and I would spend a good part of the first part of my life trying to prove otherwise.

Sometimes we can uncover these origin stories on our own. Sometimes they can be too obvious (or subtle) for us to recognize. If you have gone through the work of unpacking the origin of your limiting beliefs, and you know what they are, but you don’t know what to do with it- I’m glad you’re here. Because knowing the origin of your pain is only the beginning of your healing. It is what you do next with it that will either spin your life around as you overcome it, or further reinforce the story you have been telling yourself as you continue to own it.

Once I realized the origin of the constant comparisons I subjected myself to, I felt empowered to overcome it. The belief that I wasn’t enough started for me when I was a perfect innocent and beautiful little baby. It caused me to dim my light in my childhood and adolescent and constantly strive to be like other people. I was always trying to not be me, and that has not served me well. But now, having recognized the need to change and ignited the desire to integrate a new set of beliefs for myself, I went to work reprogramming my subconscious mind to reflect my new understanding.

I balanced for the following beliefs:

I am a perfectly created and Divine being.
I love and accept myself, exactly as I am.
I love and accept the path I am on.
I trust in God's perfect plan for my life.
I forgive myself for the mistakes that I have made, and I learn from them.
I give myself permission to grow, change, and heal.

Are you ready to change the part of your origin story that no longer serves you? Are you ready to access the change that you desire in your life? Comment below to share how you are integrating these types of changes. And if you could use some support getting started, please reach out! You can move past major hurdles sometimes in a single session.

The truth is that you ARE enough. You are more than enough (and not too much- don't be a victim to that sort of talk either!), you just might need a little help really trusting and believing it, but once you do you will have had enough of this idea of not being enough!